1966 Born in farm town in New Jersey.

1978 Tries pottery at summer camp while wearing a Rush concert tee.

1979 Begs parents to buy him a wheel and kiln.

1980-84 Spends entire adolescence in basement of family's modern house throwing pots.

1984-88 Allegedly studies semiotics and art history at Brown but actually spends all his time at RISD making pots.

1989 Makes quilted line of pottery inspired by Chanel. Evil professor advises him to bag pottery and try a career in law.

1990 Moves to New York and starts working at a talent agency.

1993 Deeply depressed from three long years in the movie business (as anyone would be), quits and returns to the studio to recuperate. Tells parents he wants to be a potter and vows never to have a real job again. Concerned parents schedule an intervention.

1994 Shows pots to Barney's and gets an order. Realizes he has to make the pots.

1995 Orders pour in. Time to make the donuts.

1996 Time to make the donuts.

1997 At wit's end from making the donuts, hooks up with Aid to Artisans, a non-profit organization which helps artisans in developing countries to make products for the American market. Flies to Peru and discovers paradise - a beautiful workshop by the sea with parrots and gardens and incredible artisans. Creative explosion ensues - develops a new collection called Pot A Porter (as opposed to the Couture collection which he continues to make in New York). Works with local weavers and develops a textile collection.

1998 Opens a store in Soho.

1999 Adopts (with his partner Simon Doonan) a Norwich terrier named Liberace who is the light of their lives.

2000 Opens store number two in East Hampton. Spends inappropriate amount of time at the beach.

2001 Opens store number three in Los Angeles. Fervently hopes the cast of Friends will stop by. They don't.

2002 Launches a glamorous new furniture collection and takes on interior design projects. Starts fondling swatches as well as clay. Liberace turns three, can now legally drink and vote.

2003 Develops raging obsession with waspy country club style - needlepoint, chinoiserie and acid green lacquer. Concerned Jewish mother schedules another intervention.

2004 Kooky creative odyssey continues. Branches out into new categories - bedding, towels, stationery, handbags (!) - and designs The Parker Hotel in Palm Springs. Finds it increasingly difficult to make time to watch Law and Order...